请问可以对一首英文诗提出修改意见吗
谈论一首英文诗青春的飞逝 The Flight of YouthrnRichard Henry Stoddard/理查德.亨利.斯托达德rnrnThere are gains for all our losses 我们失去的一切都能得到补偿rnThere are balms for all our pain 我们所有的痛苦都能得到安慰rnBut when youth, the dream, departs 可是梦境似的青春一旦消逝rnIt takes something from our hearts 就带走了我们心中的某种美好rnAnd it never comes again 从此一去不复返rn*****rn We are stronger, and are better 我们日益刚强，更臻完美rnUnder manhoodx27s sterner reign 但在严峻的成年生活驱使下rnStill we feel that something sweet 我们感到有些甜美的情感rnFollowing youth, with flying feet 已随青春飞逝rnAnd will never come again 一去不回rn*****rnSomething beautiful is vanished 美好业已消逝rnAnd we sigh for it in vain 我们枉自为此叹息rnWe behold it everywhere 青春随处可见rnOn the earth, and in the air 天上，地下rnBut it never comes back again 但它已逝，再不返回rn请看完这首诗帮忙写一篇文章.谢谢.so hard! 用英文还是别的 Youth Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind; it is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees; it is a matter of the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions; it is the freshness of the deep springs of life. Youth means a temperamental predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over the love of ease. This often exists in a man of 60 more than a boy of 20. Nobody grows old merely by a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, fear, self-distrust bows the heart and turns the spirit back to dust. Whether 60 or 16, there is in every human being’s heart the lure of wonders, the unfailing appetite for what’s next and the joy of the game of living. In the center of your heart and my heart, there is a wireless station; so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, courage and power from man and from the infinite, so long as you are young. When your aerials are down, and your spirit is covered with snows of cynicism and the ice of pessimism, then you’ve grown old, even at 20; but as long as your aerials are up, to catch waves of optimism, there’s hope you may die young at 80. 请帮我修改一下一首英文诗,毕业后的纪念特别重要,希望大家帮我好好改一下就要毕业了,写了一下几年的感触,这事有点舍不得,不想留下什么遗憾,所以特想写好一点,希望大家我我改一下,多谢了.rnrnDawn blossoms plucked at duskrnrnEternity is not just diamond,rnSome memories, after one hundred years,rnIt still clearly remains, alive in our heart.rnrnThose were the day, when I was innocent, when I was childish,rnWhen we have always thought about the endless studies,rnWhen we have always complained about the too much work,rnWhen we have always thought that the day had never end.rnrnSumer turns to winter,rnSapling became trees.rnIt was the time to part,rnto leave from the known place.rnIt was the times tide, rnquietly, wiped out our corners.rnrnHere, we have spent many seasons, spring and fall,rnHere, we have keep many memories, laughter with tears,rnHere, we have left a lot of footprints, around away,rnHere, we have learned too and too much, live to life.rnrnWe have always dreamed to leave, but when the dream come true, rnWe just could not let us go.rnNow we are going to part, now we are not naughty again.rnAll things will be written in the history, rnwhich we will keep deep in our hearts.rnItx27s such a special feelingrnTo close our eyes and reminisce awhile.rnrnThe tide recedes, but leaves behind bright seashells on the sand.rnFor every joy that passes, something beautiful remains.诗写的很不错啊，你这是大学还是什么毕业呢？ 多处有小型语法错误，但是不影响理解你的意思。 以后想改诗尽量标明行数，这样比较容易评论。 1 Dawn blossoms plucked at dusk 2 Eternity is not just diamond, 3 Some memories, after one hundred years, 4 It still clearly remains, alive in our heart. 5 Those were the day, when I was innocent, when I was childish, 6 When we have always thought about the endless studies, 7 When we have always complained about the too much work, 8 When we have always thought that the day had never end. 9 Sumer turns to winter, 10 Sapling became trees. 11 It was the time to part, 12 to leave from the known place. 13 It was the times tide, 14 quietly, wiped out our corners. 15 Here, we have spent many seasons, spring and fall, 16 Here, we have keep many memories, laughter with tears, 17 Here, we have left a lot of footprints, around away, 18 Here, we have learned too and too much, live to life. 19 We have always dreamed to leave, but when the dream come true, 20 We just could not let us go. 21 Now we are going to part, now we are not naughty again. 22 All things will be written in the history, 23 which we will keep deep in our hearts. 24 It's such a special feeling 25 To close our eyes and reminisce awhile. 26 The tide recedes, but leaves behind bright seashells on the sand. 27 For every joy that passes, something beautiful remains. 4: it...remains 单数，与前边 memories 负数不搭配, 建议 Still remain clearly, alive in our hearts. 5: those were the day "day"该加s 6： 第8行也用到thought，建议这里找些更丰富的词汇。 参考： When we have always worried about the endless studies, 7: the too much work 不应该用特指， 建议 When we have always complained of too much work to do, 8： had 应该 改为 would 9： summer 两个m , turns 改为 turned (下边用became, 是 过去式） 10: sapling 加 s 13-14: times tide 应该是 Time's tide 或 tide of time。 前边用了 it was, 后边 wiped 应该是 wiping。 16： keep 改为 kept 18: live to life 猜不出你什么意思额， 建议life and love 19: to leave 改为 of leaving； come 改为 came 结尾很好，看的出用心了 those were the days ,你该加s 请帮我修改一下这首英文诗我自己写的，希望大家给一些意见。（灵感来自英语课本）rnI WILL PICK THE STARrnI will pick the starrnAnd I will hang it on your heart rnWhen you feel lonely you can see itrnIt will remind you of my facernrnIx27ll pick the star rnAnd Ix27ll give it to you rnWhen you are in darknessrnThe star will show you the roadrnrnAnd for myself Ix27ll keep your smilernWhen you are already ninetyrnYou may forget me and everythingrnBut Ix27ll still love you just likernyou loved mernrnIf you have another brighter starrnPlease forget me rnTill you have found your happinessrnIx27ll bless you silentlyWhen you are in darkness The star will show you the road 改成 show you the lightness... And for myself 和整首诗的结构不匹配 可以删去 another 和 brighter 意思相同 删去一个 其他的就很OK啦！！ 哪位仁兄能帮忙把这首英文诗改改 再升华点更好 急~ 明天就交作业了。谢谢谢谢！The antrnrnHe creeps slowly on the earthrnWith objects twice his weight and lengthrnStep by steprnHe never stopsrnrnTiny little bodyrnBut a prodigy of strengthrnOn his narrow backrnHe carries everything essential for his lifernNever sighs or complainsrnrnHe’s fighting for his lifernTo subsistrnAnd to thrivernrnNot just the food he’s carryingrnBut his life and solernWith the belief and the hopernHe creeps slowly on the earth rnAnd wouldn’t give up早，好！！ 给予些微薄建议：首先诗歌无论国内国外都讲究对偶，和韵律，以及形体格式，不好意思不知道你现在念.....？？英语基础感觉还可以,基础的内容是表达出来了，还是先鼓励一下 第一：试着把第一句的“he”去掉，吧creeps 改成 Creepping the way on the earth slowly 第二：吧第二句的“with”改成“Carrying”吧“weight”变“wgt”，“length”变“len” Carrying objects twice his wgt * length 记得诗歌后标注（wgt=weight） 第三： Stepping by stepping but never stopping 第二段： Small * Tiny slim * thin body Strength and strongger containing Faith in perseverence to fighting For live for left * for life Slience to pain * none complains left(指死去的leave的过去式，诗歌后注明 要知道蚂蚁的作用是分解各种各样的东西) 第三段： Creepping climbing to combination Protecting and thriving for life 第四段： Crying here not for insistence while a spirit and soul to life 结尾： Creepping the way on the earth Slow patience silence * quiet Stopping Never * never giving up 提醒如果是初高中，你自己这个可以用用，如果是大学，可以选择采用我改动的，参考一下 诗歌是很美的东西，希望对你有所帮助！！ sole, 改为soul. But with a prodigy of strength,这里添个with,更通，你觉得呢？ 诗是你写的啊， 水平很高了！！ 1）He carries everything essential for his life
essential改成good。是good for，代表对生存有益的，而不是必需的。 2）Not just the food he’s carrying 后面 on 3）后面有些表达有点怪，不太符合欧美习惯。毕竟你还小，不是很了解欧美文学。 我把我认为还可以的都写在这吧 He creeps slowly on the earth Even with objects twice as his weight and length Step by step while never drops Tiny little body But full of strength focus on his narrow back He carries everything good for his life while Never sighs or complains aways fighting for life with his tough while no tears nobody know how to deal while everyone got to know what he wants Not just the food he’s carrying But also his duty and soul With the belief and the hope in his inner heart creeps slow but tough 大小写自己修改下。 |
